Our goal
is to provide information, resources and contacts
that can help each of us as military
spouses to craft a life that works for us as we follow the military.
Our goal with our workshops, ezine and the book we are writing is not
to show you such how-tos of military life like military protocol, Tricare,
and how to read your LES statement. We do think those are all valuable
and basic things you need to know to survive this life, so we’ll
include some resources where you can find those things. We want to show
you how to thrive in this life, not just survive it.
Our focus is more on you as an individual. We want to help you figure
out who you are, what your own unique priorities are, and how to fit them
into this military life. We want to help you make this military life really
work for you!
Most of the resources listed here are things outside the official military
world that we find useful. (We do include those military-specific resources
we mentioned above at the end of this list.) If you are looking for a
specific resource we don’t mention, contact us and we’ll see
what we can find out. And please send us resources you know about that
we can add to share to a wider audience.
Kathie & Holly
General Resources
Dare to Repair, by
Julie Sussman and Stephanie Glakas-Tenet. The common knowledge among military
spouses is that things in the house and car always wait to break down
until a deployment happens! The two authors are CIA spouses who also deal
with their husbands being gone a lot. Their book is full of easy-to-follow
information on many home repair/maintenance items — "the kinds
of things that many of us were not taught growing up.
It’s Here…Somewhere,
by Alice Fulton & Pauline Hatch, 1991, Writer’s Digest Books.
Kathie won’t move without this.
Smart Networking,
(formerly called Great Connections, published by Impact Publications)
by Anne Baber & Lynne Waymon, 1997, Kendall Hunt Publications.
Helpful tips for effective networking and making conversation at social
and business functions (like unit hail and farewells and unit coffees).
The skill of networking is important for everything, from finding a good
hairdresser to finding a job as you move!
Take Time for Your Life, Life Makeover,s
(and other books) by Cheryl Richardson.
Well-written and full of practical steps to craft your life.
Gotta Minute?
The Ultimate Guide of One-Minute Workouts,
for Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime!, by Bonnie
Nygard and Bonnie Hopper, 2000, www.rdrpublishers.com
Now you can’t say "I don’t have time to exercise."
These are fun and they fit into any busy life.
You Don’t Have to Go Home from
Work Exhausted!, by Anne McGee-Cooper,
1992, Bantam Books.
Helpful energy tips whether you work outside the home or just do too much
work inside the home.
Wishcraft, by
Barbara Sher (and all of her subsequent books), published by Ballantine
Books.
This book is what started Kathie and Holly on their own individual quests
to reinvent their lives (while they stayed married to the military). Full
of great ideas and great examples from other people.
Family Resources (not
specific to military life but helpful)
Care Packages for the Home: Dozens of Ways
to Regenerate Spirit Where You Live, by Barbara Glanz, 1998, Andrews
McMeel Publishing.
Great ideas of creative things to do as a family.
Working Parents Can Raise Smart Kids: The "Time-Starved Parent’s
Guide to Helping Your Child Succeed in School, by
John Beaulieu & Alex Granzin, 1999, Parkland Press, Inc.
The National Long Distance Relationship
Building Institute
Great information and links on how to maintain and strengthen the relationships
you have with each other while you are away from each other. There are
ideas and suggested activities for various long-distance relationships:
from Grandparenting from a Distance www.fambooks.com/grandparenting.html
to Dads at a Distance www.daads.com to Moms over Miles www.momsovermiles.com
to Long Distance Couples www.longdistancecouples.com.
They have frequent email suggestions available for all of those kinds
of situations and books and other links. All put together by The National
Long Distance Relationship Building Institute.
The Military
Family Resource Center (MFRC) is a tool for enhancing the effectiveness
of military family policy and programs. See below for two sites:
http://www.mfrc-dodqol.org/healthyparenting/index.cfm
providing resources for parents and professionals dealing with the unique
challenges of balancing family and military life while serving on active
duty in the United States Armed Forces.
http://www.mfrc-dodqol.org/progman.cfm#prog
This section provides program managers with a variety of resources to
help develop and enhance programs related to military quality of life.
Career/Business information
for spouses on the move
The Military Spouses’ Career Network,
at www.mscn.org is a very helpful site created by Navy spouse Paula Sind-Prunier,
Ph.D., due to her own frustration at finding work despite her Ph.D. in
engineering, M.S. in Psychology, and experience as a university professor.
Full of great information, resources, book reviews and links.
How to Make a Living Without a Job,
by Barbara Winter, 1993, Bantam Books. Barbara also has a great newsletter
that Kathie has been getting for 12 years now. "It’s one of
the few I stop everything, get a cup of tea and sit down and read,"
she says. Contact Barbara at: www.barbarawinter.com
Jobs and the Military Spouse: Married,
Mobile and Motivated for the New Job Market,
2d Edition by Janet I. Farley, 2004, Impact Publications.
Janet is a military spouse and career consultant. Her book covers all
the basics about the job search as well as military-specific employment
information. You’ll find a solid resource list to help you with your
job search.
The New Relocating Spouses Guide to
Employment Options: Strategies in the U.S. and Abroad,
by Frances Bastress, 1994, Impact Publications.
Written by a foreign service spouse and also full of solid information
and useful resources.
Work Worldwide: International Career Strategies for the Adventurous Job
Seeker, by Nancy Mueller, 2000, John
Muir Publications.
Full of useful resources for those of you planning your job search for
an overseas move.
Keeping in Touch
Since this is so important right now during
deployments, there are some great cards available specific to military
situations.
www.patriotgreetings.com
We especially love the "heart in the dufflebag" card that you'll
see on this website. There are also fun cards for the kids to color before
they send them to mom or dad. And there are humorous, heartfelt and nostalgic
cards. What we really love is that the company is 100% veteran owned and
that a portion of all proceeds goes into a college scholarship fund for
the sons and daughters of military personnel who have fallen or were seriously
injured in the line of duty. They are always looking for new ideas for
cards and for art that works well for this audience. We know a lot of
you have great ideas. We encourage you to contact them.
Asking for Help
Military life is challenging and sometimes
overwhelming. When you feel overwhelmed, know that there is help out there.
First off, there are times you just need to ask for help to get by. Check
out are article about asking, offering and accepting help in Volume 10
of our archived ezines on this website.
There are other times where you need more specific help — when you
are clinically depressed. Some military spouses do not seek help in fear
that doing so might impact their spouse’s military career. If you
need the help it just doesn’t matter. It’s your health and well-being
we are talking about.
Almost every military installation
has counselors or access to counselors through the Social Services.
Are you a Tricare Member?
Did you know that you can self-refer to a counselor? You do not need to
go through your Primary Care Manager. Military spouses prefer this because
they do not need to go through that extra step of seeing their primary
care manager for a referral. Humana Military Health Services (Tricare)
has subcontracted all mental health and substance abuse issues to CHOICE
Behavioral Health (CBH).
It is EASY:
You can either locate a provider in your area on the CHOICE website www.choicebehavioral.com,
call one of the providers, make an appointment. and go get some help today.
OR:
If you need help in selecting a provider, call CHOICE at 1-800-700-8646
for personal assistance in selecting a network provider. When you call,
a mental health/substance abuse health care finder can provide you a list
of names whose skills match your needs and practice in your local area.
You may see the provider selected for up to eight visits in an enrollment/fiscal
year. If you need additional visits after the initial eight, the provider
seeing you must contact CHOICE to get authorization for additional care.
Preauthorization of all inpatient care is required. However, in an emergency,
go directly to the nearest emergency room. Then, have a family member
or someone at the hospital call CHOICE within 24 hours to avoid benefit
penalties.
Q: What about confidentiality?
A: All records and services are kept and provided with the strictest confidence.
Staff members sign confidentiality statements as a condition of employment
and receive training on this important issue. Network providers are bound
by their contract to maintain confidentiality. The personal information
you share is completely confidential unless you sign a release form or
if the law requires disclosure.
Q: Is my mental health provider required to
release information to my Primary Care Manager (PCM)?
A: No. Mental Health providers who see TRICARE beneficiaries must obtain
a signed release of information from the beneficiary or the guardian prior
to releasing information to any third party. Although beneficiaries are
encouraged to sign the release (for continuity of care purposes), if the
beneficiary chooses not to authorize the release, the Mental Health provider
will not release any information.
Call 1-800-700-8646 for information regarding benefits and authorizations
for your behavioral health care
www.family.org
For those of you who would like a Christian Counselor, Focus On The Family
(Dr. James Dobson’s organization in Colorado Springs –) has
20 licensed Counselors on staff to talk to you. Call 719-531-3400 (9:00am
– 4:30pm Mountain Time) ask for the Counseling Department at extension
2700; leave your number and one of the Counselors will call you back at
No Charge. How anonymous is that?
The bottom line is the military lifestyle
is unlike any other career, and the stress that is placed on spouses can
sometimes be more than any one person can handle. So if you are feeling
overwhelmed, acknowledge those feelings and then tell yourself that it
is okay to ask for help. It is not that you are weak and can’t handle
life.
www.conqueranxiety.com
For those of us that struggle with anxiety, there are great resources
here as well as a very helpful email newsletter.
Army One Source (AOS). Deployment-related
assistance for soldiers, deployed civilians and their family members.
This line is staffed 24 hours a day by consultants holding master’s
degrees in social work or psychology and can help with subjects like parenting,
relocation, finances, legal, and other. You can also arrange for up to
six face-to-face private counseling sessions with licensed counselors.
From the US, dial 800-464-81077 (You must dial all 11 digits).
From outside the US, dial the appropriate access code to reach a U.S.
number and then dial 1-800-464-8107.
Hearing impaired callers dial 1-800-364-9188 for TTY access.
Spanish speakers dial 1-888-732-9020.
Divorce
None of us ever likes to think that divorce could happen to us. But we
all know people who have gone through divorce. If you are facing a divorce,
be sure to get information about your rights as a military spouse. Some
specific resources
http://usmilitary.about.com
Click on "divorce" for information like jurisdiction to file
for divorce, regulations governing removal of ID cards, authority to evict
family members from post housing, and garnishment of military pay.
EX-POSE www.ex-pose.org
This is a national non-profit organization set up to advocate laws to
protect the interests of former spouses of all Armed Services personnel
and to provide you information on issues of separation and divorce. They
publish "A Guide for Military Separation and Divorce."
703-941-5844, M-F 11am – 3pm (ET)
fax 703-212-6951
email: ex-pose@juno.com
or write to:
EX-POSE
P.O. Box 11191
Alexandria, VA 22312-0191
Military-specific
Resources
We won’t even try to include a comprehensive
list of all the helpful military websites. We are including here great
gateways to those types of lists.
.
www.defenselink.mil
This official web site of the Department of Defense provides links to
each of the Service’s home pages and other Defense related sites.
www.nmfa.org
The website of the National Military Family Association. We both think
it’s important to belong to NMFA. They are the group who dedicate
themselves to identifying and resolving issues affecting military families.
A lot of the positive changes to military family life over the years were
directly affected by NMFA efforts. Their monthly newsletter keeps you
informed about issues before Congress that affect us. They have fact sheets
available on aspects of military life.
www.cinchouse.com
Created by a board of Navy spouses but it is geared to spouses of all
services. The site is full of useful information and links AND has a very
helpful chat area where you can ask questions and share information with
other military spouses. There are so many websites out there set up by
military spouses who are tech savvy and saw a need. We’ve seen a
real mix — from useful and helpful to little more than places to
complain. We’re all for venting, but then move on to look for solutions.
The cinchouse community focuses on that.
Also take advantage of all the booklets of information specific to moves,
deployments, military benefits, military coloring books and calendars.
There are many such publications, published by Channing Bete and others.
Check through your service centers, like the ACS for Army. In the Reserves
and Guard, ask your units. These are available and very helpful. Many
were created by military spouses because they saw a need.
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