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Follow Your Dreams While You Follow the Military!™
Join us to learn how to Increase Your Energy,
Decrease Your Stress, and Go for Your Dreams!
An "as we can get to it" newsletter/ezine with
ideas, resources, stories and inspiration so you
can Follow Your Dreams While You Follow the Military™ written by military spouses for
military spouses!

March 2003

In This Issue:
Stop "Shoulding" all over yourself
Sleep aids while dealing with worry
Mail call idea for your deployed spouse


Stop Shoulding all over yourself
I arrived in Germany pregnant with twins, it was my first pregnancy, and no sooner than I came home from the hospital with our twins my husband’s Unit was tasked to deploy for a mine-clearing mission in Bosnia. Yes, we all know deployments are a possibility but when they happen - we think "why now – why us". We had tried for 10 years to get pregnant – finally we have twins and you’re leaving? And to top it off one (thankfully just one) of the twins – Jack – was the classic nightmare baby. Jack never slept more than 45 to 50 minutes at a time. Screamed all the time. Poor darling had horrible Reflux and I literally wore a raincoat every time I fed him, because half of what I fed him landed all over me when he burped.

He was just a plain miserable baby. The only way I could comfort him (and me) was to wear him in a sling for the first 9 months. My other baby, Helen, was considered by my friends as a "high needs" baby, but nothing compared to Jack. If Helen was a high needs baby, Jack must have been an "insatiable needs" baby. I would go days without sleep. I know the true meaning of sleep deprivation. I felt so alone, even though I had other wonderful military spouses around me willing to help. (It took me time to learn to accept help! And that will be the subject of another ezine.)

How could I feel so alone with so much support around me?

I didn’t look at it as support – I saw all these other mother’s whose husbands were deployed handling life much better than I was. I felt I should be able to handle things better than I was. I felt I SHOULD be able to take my new parenting role in stride like so many others seem to. I felt I SHOULD be able to help other spouses from the Unit deal with the deployment challenges. I felt I SHOULD be able to keep my house clean and keep myself looking presentable. (The reality was if I managed to comb my hair and brush my teeth in the same day, it was a good day!) I felt I SHOULD get regular letters and care packages off to my husband like so many other spouses were doing.

When we talk about this in our seminars, Kathie and I have found there are a lot of us out there who are doing the same thing — shoulding all over ourselves. We are not alone in this. But we are here to remind you that if you find yourself doing that – STOP RIGHT NOW!!!!! And say these words out loud. "I am are doing the best I can right now under the circumstances I am in and I am proud of myself."

The reality is that deployments are super challenging; this particular one right now is the most challenging of all with active war going on. We all are very unique individuals. We have different energy levels, different coping skills, different levels of experience at handling challenging things, different psychological makeups. Certainly, there are coping skills we can learn from others, but we can’t waste time and energy comparing ourselves to others and loading on the shoulds!

As my one friend always says, "we compare our inners to their outers and they aren’t the same thing." We look at what one person seems to be doing and feel we don’t live up to that. We have no idea how she or he is really doing.

This deployment is challenging enough without adding a load of shoulds onto ourselves on top of it.

Sleep Aids During Times of Worry
I’ve spent most of my life as an insomniac. When my husband, Greg, left for the war in Bosnia, the worry for his safety added to my insomnia. I could distract myself during the day by diving into activities and work, by exercising, by doing things. But at night, when I lay down alone in the dark and quiet, the thoughts started to spin. And they weren’t positive healthy thoughts. And of course, if the sleeplessness continued, the middle of the night thoughts spun into major catastrophizing.

After a week of that, I had to take action. I put into place every possible thing I could to help with the insomnia. The things I learned have helped me in other tense times. It does take conscious action.
Here are the things that help me. I hope they might help some of you who are dealing with this right now.

Set up your sleep environment for sleep. Make sure your room is as dark as you can get it. I bought room-darkening curtains with rubber on the back to do so. I travel with an eye pillow for rooms that I can’t darken enough. (And by the way, if you have to get up in the middle of the night, try to do so without turning on a light. That will trigger your body into wakefulness. Use nightlights instead.) Keep the room cool but your bedding warm. When the weather is really cold or I’m in an air-conditioned room, I use a hot water bottle to help me fall asleep. I miss that warm body next to me—this really helps. Don’t watch TV or store laundry in your bedroom. Keep it sacred as a sleep room.

Use relaxation tapes. I fall asleep listening to tapes that talk me into relaxation and positive affirmation. It helps put my mind on something outside of my worries. You can find these in many stories. I use ones called The Love Tapes (612-893-1680) with affirmations like Take Charge of Your Life. You can also make your own using all positive affirmations of what you want to see happening in your life. It sure beats falling asleep to negative thoughts.

Use aromatherapy. I will take a deep sniff of an
essential oil like lavender before I go to bed. I also
have a small lavender pillow to slip inside my
pillowcase so I have the scent helping me to relax
all night long. (The one I use is called the Peaceful
Nights Dream Pillow, available from Lavender
Wind Farm at www.lavenderwind.com).

Be aware of how food and drink affect your sleep. I can’t have caffeine in any form after noon. I also know that alcohol in the evening might help me fall asleep, but will disrupt my deep sleep and often cause me to wake in the middle of the night in a feeling of pure panic. Chamomile tea and other herb teas are better to have in the evening for relaxation.

Copyright 2003 Hightower/Scherer

TOP

Exercise is important to help me sleep well, but
not active exercise late in the day. I do yoga daily to
help me relax as well as provide other benefits. Even
just 5-10 minutes of relaxing yoga stretches with the
deep breathing they include can help you fall asleep
faster.

Medication - Everyone reacts differently to
medication, and there are a lot of different sleep-
aides out there to take advantage of. We would be
remiss if we didn’t say to first seek medical advice -
especially if you are taking any other medications.
But don’t turn down the help that is out there –
especially if you are suffering from lack of sleep.
Seek help – ask your doctor about medicinal herbs
such as Valerian, or their opinions about over-
the-counter medications such as Tylenol or
Excedrin PM.

Numerous studies show how sleep deprivation
reduces our stamina and judgment, and decreases
our immune system. We’ve all experienced getting
sick when we are running on empty. We’ve all
experienced our tendency to snap at others when
we are exhausted. Right now, to be the best you can
be for your family and military community, you
need sleep. It’s a necessity, not a luxury. Take
action to get the sleep you need.Mail Call

When your spouse is deployed you feel so helpless,
at least as far as being able to help them in any way.
We both know that from experience. Writing letters
and sending care packages was about all we could do.
But it's an important thing to do.

Mail Call
Mail call, when it comes, can be a highlight of tense
times, a reminder of normalcy. A group of veterans
have worked for years to help military families keep
in touch. They created a greeting card company
with cards focused on military. Patriot Greetings has
cards of all types from coloring cards for the kids
to get involved in sending to humorous cards to
romantic cards to nostalgic cards. Our favorite is
the duffle bag stuffed with a large heart. The message
inside says, "Wherever you are, my love is with you."
That pretty much says it all.

You can find Patriot Greeting cards in most
exchanges or check out their website at
(www.patriotgreetings.com). We love the fact that
a portion of proceeds goes to military-related
charities. ...and by the way, they are always looking
for ideas for cards that you would like to see.
Write them from the website with your ideas.

Share your story:
As part of our research for the Follow Your Dreams
While You Follow the Military™ book, we are
collecting stories of military spouses who have done
just that — created a life, a program, a business, a
career that allows them to pursue their passion as
they live this military life. We’ll share some of
these stories in future issues.

Do you have a dream to share? Either, one you want
help with, or a success story to inspire other military
spouses? Email us at kathie@jumpintolife.net (and
you’ll get a free Joyful Living booklet in thanks for
writing.)

Fun Products
While we work on our Follow Your Dreams While
You Follow the Military‘ book, we have some other
products that can help you create and live your
dream! To order any of these call Kathie tollfree at
866-569-5695 or email or fax in an order— see
contact info at the bottom. And, yes, I can take Visa
or MC (does that make us professional or what?)

The easiest way to order is to go to the product part
of the website, www.jumpintolife.net, and download
an order form to fax or mail or call in.

Creative Living Audiotape Set: (2 tapes,12 minutes)
- on the joyful living concept & goal achieving
tools, tips & resources) $12

Your Enchanted Life: A Journal of Discovery &
Delight (a playbook full of exercises & action
steps) $18

Simple Joys: Little Things That Make a BIG
Difference (a pocket-size book with one idea per
page) $6
*similar ideas in a booklet that can mail in a #10
envelope are in the Joyful Living Booklet $3

Magic Rainbow Glasses
(see the good in Everything) $6

As Is (pewter pins)
Show the world you are already quite wonderful just
the way you are – faults and all! $25

A Follow Your Dreams While You Follow the
Military Workshop at your post/base?
We do four-hour workshops for military spouses.
(These have been called different things in the past
— Joyful Living, Creative Living, Jump Into Life —
we’ve finally settled on what it’s really About —
Follow Your Dream While You Follow the Military.)
We’d love to do all day sessions or 2-3 day retreats
someday too. We have LOTS of information to
share.

Here’s what other military spouses are saying:
"Wunderbar! I have gained worthwhile & valuable
information on how to turn my dreams into reality.
I wish I had a seminar like this to attend 15 years
ago." –Gwendolyn A. Williams

"This was the best thing that happened to me
in Germany!"—Alicka Ampry-Samuel
If you know someone who hires trainers for your
base (often the Family Advocacy Office or ACS),
send us a name and address and we will mail a full
information packet. We’d love to come to your
location.

Feel free to forward this ezine to other military
spouses. We are also happy to have you use any of
the articles in your newsletters providing you ask us
first and then provide us with a copy for our records
and celebration!


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Contact Us:
Kathie Hightower & Holly Scherer
Follow Your Dreams While You Follow the
Military Seminars
kathie@jumpintolife.net
2908 N. Warner Street, Tacoma, Wa 98407;
Tollfree: 866-569-5695;253-761-8161;
fax253-759-4009

Or contact Holly directly in Memphis at
901-756-7391 or email her at
schererjh@earthlink.net

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